A conversation with God…

A conversation with God….
In my journey as a young missionary (even though I don’t really appreciate this term) I have been either propelled or slowed down my questions that seem to be the reason why I got into God’s “business” of missions or could be reasons behind some doubts and disappointment. I have spent some time reading the Book of Habakkuk thanks to Sarah Vos a friend of mine from Canada. I have wrestled with questions about despair— total hopelessness that has consumed people especially people in what we call “third world” nations today. I have found out that our challenges aren’t too different whether you are from Latin America or Africa or most parts of Asia— our frustrations are similar. I have found confidence to talk about these things again after reading from the prophet Habakkuk’s conversation with God. Mostly the first and second chapters. I will like to get through with his words and try to point out a bit of my frustrations that I believe Habakkuk felt. Join me in this conversation with God.

These are my words, “Lord, do you hear me at all? How long do I have to call your name before you show up”? His words, “How long, O lord, must I call for help? but you do not listen! (Hab. 1 vs 2 NLT) What ever way you say it or put it the emotions are similar. I catch myself disappointed with God over situations he would have done the “God like intervention” thing and get it over with. My emotions flare especially when it comes to seeing evil that is so unnecessary but grounded in our core belief prevail. I sometimes wonder in my heart of hearts and ask this question, “God on whose side are you”? it seems to me that you are not on my side of the game. Yes, must of our religious beliefs hinders us from asking God such questions. Some might say is a lack of faith and others would call me “doubting thomas” but the reality that awaits me at the end of the day is: either to ask or pretend. Both ways my character is challenged. Pretense is a lack of Character according to Andy Stanley’s book “Next generation leader”, this will deform and undermine my leadership especially one that is full of little faith and hope easily. Asking will put me in big trouble and will give me names like, “big mouth”, “Peter” or a “liberal in a worst case.

But as I continue to read after the 4th chapter as the Lord was giving response to the prophet I felt intense fear. In my circle of friends which a lot of them are Charismatic (nothing against the Charismatics) the word fear is from the devil or we could say in a christian theme, “this is not of the Lord” but read carefully the words of God to Habakkuk and ask yourself this question, “If I were him what will I be thinking as the Lord tells me of his plans to punish my people? and remember you are one of them. Why should we be punished by a nation so ungodly probably than we are but yet he uses them to bring such a hard and “mean” judgement upon us. SCARY! But I like Habakkuk’s confidence. He starts by reminding God of his character, “O Lord my God, my HOLY one, you are ETERNAL. O Lord, our ROCK. You are PURE.” Hab. 1vs 12 and 13. Then he says you CAN NOT do this to us. But he had a conversation going and he was INTENTIONAL at his questions to God. If you did this today, most people in my circle will say, “but you are questioning God? it is so unspiritual of you! Fatalism has found a new “Christianese” word – spiritual!

To bring this to a conclusion so that I don’t keep writing. It amazes me how God went a head and listed some of the sins of his children which makes me think this is why he wants to do what he plans to do. I guess listing it out is a reminder that, “you have screwed up” pardon my language but I think he tries to say that in other words. Greed, Idolatry, Pride, Murder, ungratefulness and dishonesty. Wow, this is just a lot, it very much sounds to me like God was talking about my day, my people or me. Lord, all I can say is FORGIVE me! I really don’t have words to explain our misconduct. Help us! And God grand end to this chapter was just superb and disturbing at the same time. But the Lord is in his holy Temple. Let all the earth be silent before him.

This blog will keep changing as I get answers or more questions. I welcome any response or questions on this.

Gabriel